first of all, thanx to my new two followers Elly and Jen Jen. Man, I am truly honored! thank you and I hope you will enjoy whatever I am writing. <3
So, today I was looking around my page in Myfitnesspal (you should totally get it!Sooo incredibly and disturbingly useful-I am impressed that no one has bothered accusing it of helping people developing EDs) and was checking out my progress when I realized I have lost 10 pounds in 6 months.
It's nothing near much but i was impressed. i also lost 2 inches around my waist and one and a half on my thighs and hips. Not much again, but i am impressed. I am impressed by the fact that i feel kinda equally fat.
I mean, i feel like i have 10 more pounds to go (ideal weight 100 lbs). So, does this mean that back in November i had 20 f*cking pounds of fat on me to lose??It kinda flips my brain out. Like, do I really have that bad perception of my own body? Okay, right now I feel a little skinnier and am kinda happy that the jeans that used to be god awful tight or off limits are now baggy. But other than that I feel not near my goal at all. I know that these 10 more pounds will be harder to shed even though I am still losing, but I am beginning to really feel the illusion behind this.
I'm halfway through and i feel so not accomplished at all.
I feel like i might get back to where I was overnight. That I might wake up tomorrow and be 120 again.
In the past three weeks or so I have not been attending the gym. Actually it was for a number of reasons (my knee acting up, other things to do etc) more than just plain laziness. For the past four months I have been taking this boxing class and it is incredibly hardcore workout as it is funny. So totally it's 3 times a week and 1 hour 30 each time: more or less 4 hours a week. I really started to see my body change after I begun this class, since I have always been the laziest b*tch on the planet and my body was rewarding my final effort to stay in shape.
I feel like shite for not going all this time, essentially because I was afraid that my metabolism would totally be slowed down again by the lack of workout.
Instead I am losing. despite the fact that the past weekend I have eaten like a pig and also the weekend before that. I don't seriously know how it is possible. Probably it is perfectly normal and logical and I'm just so f*cked up I don't get it.
I mean, I weigh myself after one of these uber caloric meals and I am seriously 3 pounds heavier. 36 hours later I am at the weight I was before, and a day later I am even a pound lighter.
Probably it is also because I decided to go off the pill. That shit makes you gain like crazy. Ok, the upside to that is that you are sure that you're getting your goddamn period on time and each and every month but when I started it I gained something like 6 pounds that I hadn't been able to shake off.
So, I stopped taking those pills two months ago. and now it seems like the second month I won't have to use tampons.
Hurray for that but darn it to the eternal doubt of being pregnant. Meh.
Win some, lose some.