Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Like blood they fall

It happened.

 After the last post, that now seems such a prediction, S left me.
HE left ME. which in itself is a plain nonsense.

So, he came back from miami yesterday, we met quickly for a coffee after he landed and at dinner I went eating at his place (with his mom).

I have to explain a few things now. As I mentioned in the previous post, I moved 7 months ago to his hometown, causing me to have to pay for the rent and looking for a job that could allow me to survive.

Around one year and a half ago he decided to start designing bags: he saw one that had a particular style to it, and decided to copy it and improve it. So, with the help of his friend that is into the fashion business, he started designing bags. Actually it was mainly the friend that managed the whole thing, so when this guy moved to Brazil I started helping him.
I was making phone calls, sending emails (not a full time thing, every now and then). And, when I moved here he told me I could be a sales rep (basically going from one city to another trying to find stores that would purchase the bags) and that he would pay me. I said yes.

Basically he never paid me. 
Partially because I went to only a couple of places and partially because he never bothered to realize that a big part of the job was not going around like a jerk, but working from the computer and the phone and doing other stuff. So I did these things and he never realized that I was actually working. 
The biggest deal though, was that he couldn't give a shit about the whole project.
 It was a past time that soon annoyed him since it required too much effort and time. So he never did anything, not even a phone call. It was all up to me, and when I needed him he wouldn't mind about it or try to postpone the problem.

It now happens that I really have to start earning some cash, since my parents are cutting me off.
The other day I got an offer for this receptionist job (for a firm, not a hotel) quite well paid. I went to the interview and they loved me. They offered the job as they told me yesterday.

So, after dinner I told him. That I was thinking about taking it cos I am having money issues and that I could still help doing the job with the motherf*cking bags.

He went crazy. How dare I? I had taken a commitment with him! I promised to do a job for him but never did anything! I fooled him! I am a bitch that tried to screw him over! I am not to be trusted! I am a whore!
I tried explaining him that I NEED TO PAY THE FUCKING RENT AND THE FEW THINGS THAT I EAT but he wasn't even listening.
He then told me to leave and that didn't want to see me again.
He ironically wished me good luck. Told me that i should never call him again and that I am a fake bitch.

I went home bawling.
Tried to sleep while he sent me a last text telling me how big a delusion I was. 

And after today, I feel in such a weird place.
Between a binge and the will to starve to death.

I am anesthetized. Numb. I wanna cut so badly. But I know that when I will go back home I will be watched upon. 
He even called me today to ask me if I had registered him to a bike race. I had forgotten, cos I have a lot of things to do. 
He found nice telling  me once more that I am not reliable.

I don't know what to do. Everyone tells me that I am lucky he left me cos he is toxic. I know. I hate him.

But right now all I would like to do is sleep and not dream and to cut out the tattoo that spells his name on my arm.

Hugs girls,
Thanx for the comments on the last post. Apparently you were right.


  1. God, I'm so sorry, F. You deserve so much better. I know you're in the badlands now, but ride it out, the sun will rise again, bringing with a new day and a fresh start. Cry, mourn, writhe and when it's all over, get up and reclaim your life. There are bigger and better things waiting for you, I just know it! Good riddance to bad rubbish! Heaps of love, Babe! <3. XXX.

  2. Well I'm sorry that it ended in such a shitty way. It's always worse to be the dumped than to be the dumper.

    Just don't let him pull any crap where he wants to get back together. You deserve better than this and this perfectly illustrates why you should find someone else - someone who will appreciate you.

    I know it's a vulnerable place to be. I've been there many times before. Don't let that vulnerability and loneliness make you do something you'll regret.

    Stay strong! Lots of love! You'll make it through.

  3. From the sounds of that, I'd say you're well shut of him! Breakups are tough, but he definitely sounds like a total arsehole. You deserve someone who treats you MUCH better!! If he calls again, I'd tell him to feck off. Like Cinnamon said: good riddance to bad rubbish!

    Tattoos can always be altered. <3

    Hope you feel better, luv! Get some rest and try to distract yourself with weird hobbies.