I have been eating lots of chocolate as of today and yesterday and the day before that. Usual Easter madness. I get so caught up in the sugar induced bliss that I am like some kind of drug addict. Seriously. I know I have issues managing my food intake and choosing what to actually put into my body and how much of it, but I am firmly convinced that chocolate is like heroin. Pure goddamn heroin. Like Sid Vicious heroin, like back in the eighties heroin. I know and have studied all of the scientific reasons of it, but they really seem to fail explaining the craze and pure joy I get from eating a little bit of chocolate. There's the pure happiness of that moment, the few seconds when it melts in your mouth, and then I want MORE. Not like "let's have another teeny bit" but more like Godzilla tearing buildings shredding cars eating people crave.
And now I am fighting myself not to go into the kitchen and fetch another chocolate. Because I'm just like that, I like hurting myself.
I have been doing it in many different ways on and off for a lot of years, but foodwise I have just recently come to the conclusion that instead of hurting myself in a straightforward way (i.e. not eating) most of the times I really LOVE hurting myself in a sneakier and much more effective way. If I do not eat I will be hurting myself because my body needs to be fed and so forth, but I will feel (and also be) skinnier, that is a pro. If I eat (read binge on junk) i will hurt myself in TWO ways! I will have my wonderful ED related issue AND I will get (and feel) fatter. So that's just better if you wish to hurt yourself. But again, that's just me, I like to take care of things in a serious way.
And now I cannot believe I have made my first post ever about chocolate. Wise and pertinent choice. Man, have I got a problem. Also, I really hope someone reads this.
If it happens, and someone DOES read it, all my love goes out to you.