Tuesday, April 26, 2011

First. Post. (Ever)

Ok. First post here. First post ever in my existence. This is hard and weird. How am i supposed to write something interesting to people that ignore everything about me? I mean, i don't even find myself interesting to people who DO know me.

I have been eating lots of chocolate as of today and yesterday and the day before that. Usual Easter madness. I get so caught up in the sugar induced bliss that I am like some kind of drug addict. Seriously. I know I have issues managing my food intake and choosing what to actually put into my body and how much of it, but I am firmly convinced that chocolate is like heroin. Pure goddamn heroin. Like Sid Vicious heroin, like back in the eighties heroin. I know and have studied all of the scientific reasons of it, but they really seem to fail explaining the craze and pure joy I get from eating a little bit of chocolate. There's the pure happiness of that moment, the few seconds when it melts in your mouth, and then I want MORE. Not like "let's have another teeny bit" but more like Godzilla tearing buildings shredding cars eating people crave.
And now I am fighting myself not to go into the kitchen and fetch another chocolate. Because I'm just like that, I like hurting myself.
I have been doing it in many different ways on and off for a lot of years, but foodwise I have just recently come to the conclusion that instead of hurting myself in a straightforward way (i.e. not eating) most of the times I really LOVE hurting myself in a sneakier and much more effective way. If I do not eat I will be hurting myself because my body needs to be fed and so forth, but I will feel (and also be) skinnier, that is a pro. If I eat (read binge on junk) i will hurt myself in TWO ways! I will have my wonderful ED related issue AND I will get (and feel) fatter. So that's just better if you wish to hurt yourself. But again, that's just me, I like to take care of things in a serious way.

And now I cannot believe I have made my first post ever about chocolate. Wise and pertinent choice. Man, have I got a problem. Also, I really hope someone reads this.
If it happens, and someone DOES read it, all my love goes out to you.

1 comment:

  1. Hey, Babe!

    Firstly, never admit to knowing Shirley Manson lyrics, dear god, people will think you're my age and that's over the hill and passed it! For the record, I love Garbage and that one is one of my favs! Rock on, rainy days! Yeah!

    I'm so pleased to meet a fellow choco-phile, I love it more than life itself! I also have a problem with moderation and self destructive tendancies. You're in good company, my dear, we're all fucked up here! I'm what you'd call FUBAR, Fucked Up Beyond All Recognition!

    Awesome first post! Can't wait to read more! Hope you have a bitchin' weekend! All the best! <3. XXX.